One Hour later
by tessinciucy
Summary: Some things have been left unsaid after they wrapped up the O'Rourke case. Some things someone needed to say and someone needed to hear. A little epilogue to One Hour, because I needed closure.


As I said there was something else I wanted to say about this story arc, some things that have been left unsaid, so here you are.

A big big thanks to Xwing12, because she took the time to edit this while she was on vacation! You know how much I appreciate it!

Enough of my rambling now. I hope you enjoy it.

* * *

One Hour… later

A pair of steely blue eyes stared intently at the lonely figure in the gym. It had been more than fifteen minutes and the man hadn't moved or delivered a single punch. He was simply leaning his forehead against the heavy punching bag, panting.

Callen debated whether to walk inside and talk to his friend, but deep inside there was something that stopped him, something he should have overcome after all this time, something that still affected him. Guilt.

Four months had passed since the whole O'Rourke affair. Four months in which the whole team had struggled to come back to a normal life. Four months in which everyone had to fight demons, nightmares and memories. It hadn't been an easy period, but with Deeks back at work, they thought that they were finally out of the dark tunnel, that the light was finally shining over them. Maybe it was not exactly like this… Maybe some demons were still hard to face, some memories hard to forget, some nightmares impossible to send away.

Talking a deep breath, Callen decided that he had to face his own uncertainties and with unsteady pace, he walked towards the blond figure, still standing near the punching bag.

"If you want to take a nap, I can give you some better places. This one doesn't look like very comfortable," he greeted Deeks with a smile on his lips and a steady voice, hoping to sound very confident.

"It looked very comfortable here, especially since it was very quiet… at least until few minutes ago," the cop remarked dryly, moving away from the punching bag as he started removing the gloves. He looked tired, exhausted to say the least.

"Deeks, look…"

"Callen, I'm good. Really." The cop's blue eyes were veiled but he attempted to smile, to lighten the situation. "I only needed to stretch my muscles. Being stuck all day doing paperwork is not very exciting."

"You have a point there… and I am here for the same reason." Callen indicated his knee still trapped in a heavy and evident kneepad. He had been back to work for three weeks but he couldn't go outside the office either. He truly understood his teammate's frustration, "And you're right, paperwork is not very exciting. Hell, I envy Sam and Kensi. It's not fair that they can work on the field and having all the fun!"

Deeks chuckled. It was probably the first real smile the team leader had seen on his face in a while. The blond detective was not his usual self yet. He didn't joke like he used to do in the past. He was more quiet, but things were getting better, mostly because of Kensi's constant presence in his life. It wasn't a surprise that they ended up being together. Everyone was sure that sooner or later the two of them would have to address their feelings, but the team leader didn't expect them to be so good. They simply completed each other and in this moment, this was beneficial for both of them.

"What do you want Callen? Checking on me? Are you afraid that I could break down or go to pieces? Well, for your information, I'm good!" His voice came out harsher than he intended it to be, but he was frustrated by the constant glances, the looks they gave him, by the fact that most of the people treated him like he was made of glass. He was aware that he was far from being the man he was, but he was working on this. It was already too hard for him. He didn't need other people to remind him how messed up he was.

Callen lifted his hands up in the air, in sign of defeat. "Ok, I got it. You're good and you don't need a friend caring for you…" Without waiting for a reply, he turned around and started to walk away.

Deeks closed his eyes, bowing his head and sighing heavily. "Callen, wait. I… I'm sorry… it's just that…"

The older agent faced his younger teammate, moving slowly towards him. "I know, I… got it. I know it's not easy. It was not easy for me either."

There was a long moment of silence, until the cop broke it. "Do you… do you still have nightmares?" He sounded so defenseless, so scared, miles away from the Deeks that everybody knew and remembered.

The NCIS agent felt a pang in his stomach at the sight of his younger teammate so unsure of himself, of his emotions. A little bit of the sense of guilt that had eaten him after the whole O'Rourke's affair surfaced, making him tremble. "Yeah, sometimes, but not as often as before. Talking with Dr. Parker is helping me… but don't tell anyone, I have a reputation to maintain."

The cop didn't reply, but sat heavily on the bench, burying his face in his shaking hands. "Yeah, he's good. Nate said that and he was right…"

"Deeks, what about your nightmares?" Callen asked, taking a seat beside his friend.

"I…" Deeks raised his glance, looking at the older man, biting his lip nervously. He hated this new side of himself, the inability to deflect anything with a joke, or with a witty remark. He hated that he couldn't hide what he was really feeling, especially in front of the people he still considered friends. Because Deeks hated to be seen as weak, it was something that had its roots a long time ago. He needed to appear strong and confident, in spite of everything. Too bad it was not working right now. "Just when I think that I'm getting better, that the nightmares are receding, something happens and I'm… and I'm back there. Like this morning, I… was reading a report and… I…" his body started shaking and he was finding hard to control himself. "The smell… damn it. It was all over me, and I…" his hands dug into his scalp as he wanted to take the memories away, with violence, in any way possible. It was all in vain, though.

"Hey, try to calm down… it's ok. Everything is ok." The team leader tried to use his most calming voice, but he was getting nervous as well, not knowing what he could do for his friend.

"It's not ok, Callen. Damn it… I hate it. I hate not being myself. I simply want…" Words died in his throat. His fists clenched tightly and his knuckles whitened. "I can't stand that you see me so weak…"

"Weak? Are you kidding me?" Callen interrupted him, shaking his head. "You're far from weak, Deeks. Can't you see it? You're here, you survived him! You won, Deeks… I am proud of you, of how you stood for yourself, for Kensi, for…" It was his voice that cracked this time, but he forced himself to go on. Deeks needed to be reassured, to see things in the right light. He needed to know they were on his side. "I saw everything, he… O'Rourke made me watch every single second of what he was doing to you and Kensi. It was the worst thing that ever happened to me. I felt so useless, so powerless and I felt so guilty, because you were suffering because of me!"

"Callen, it was not your fault, I… no one blames you…"

"This is not my point, damn it! I was ready to give up. I gave myself up because I was weak. You never gave up. You might see things differently, but it's the truth." Blue eyes locked on blue ones, as Callen fixed his gaze on his teammate intently, trying to reach the deepest part of his soul. "Do you remember what happened when he took the gag away?"

Deeks shivered remembering that gag and for a moment, he gasped for a breath. "I… he made me… scream…" he whispered, swallowing hard to control himself, barely making it.

"Yeah, but you told him to go to hell. It didn't matter how hurt you were, how much pain he was putting you through. You told him to go to hell, defiantly. You can't even imagine how proud of you I was in that moment… and terrified, because I knew that O'Rourke was not the type of man who accepted a defeat and with those simple words you showed him that he hadn't broken you. You showed you were stronger than him."

Tears veiled the cop's eyes as he bit his lower lip, trying to process what he had just heard. "I… I don't remember…" he chuckled, incredulously. "Did… did I really do that? You're not playing with my mind, because I… I can't take it, not right now."

"Do I have the face of someone who's joking? Your little act of rebellion gave me strength…" Callen admitted with a feeble voice, leaving his friend speechless.

"I… don't know what to say…" his blue eyes shone in a mix of happiness and respect "What a pair we are..."

The older agent burst out laughing. "Maybe this is why we fit in this team so well."

The cop's expression darkened as he bowed his head, playing with his hands. "I wish Sam could see this in the same way. I…"

"Why is it so important for you to have Sam's approval? This is something I never understood!" snapped Callen. He truly meant it. He didn't see why the other man wanted so badly to please his partner.

"Because I wanted to show him that he can trust me, that I'm good, in spite of who I am, even if I'm not a Seal or trained like you all are, but after all of this experience I think he… he will never accept me. If I had a chance to end under his grace before, I completely lost it now."

"Deeks, Sam trusts you and believe me, he respects you more than he is able to show. He is a complicated person, that sometimes can be too hard. But trust me, if he didn't respect you, you'd be already dead… or at least you would have already been sent to hospital with some broken bones!" The older man finished the sentence with a smirk, lightening the mood of the conversation.

Deeks shook his head, chuckling. "I… I better go and take a shower. That pile of paperwork won't disappear by itself!"

"Please don't remind me about it!" Callen exclaimed, almost horrified. "I… I need to stretch my muscles, first though…" he repeated what the younger man told him at the beginning of their talk.

The cop stared at his teammate, nodding gravely, silently thanking him for showing him his support, his comprehension, for making him feel valuable and not completely worthless. Then he turned on his heels and started walking towards the restrooms. Suddenly, he stopped abruptly, facing his friend. "If… if you ever have nightmares, you… well, you know… thank you…" he muttered before going away.

Callen watched him leave as a little smile curved his lips. "Thank you too, Deeks."

* * *

Half an hour later, Deeks walked into the bullpen, refreshed after the shower and more relaxed after his talk with Callen. He was surprised to find Sam alone, sitting at his desk. The two of them never found themselves alone after everything that had happened and the cop couldn't deny the fact that this made him a bit uneasy.

"Where's Kensi and Callen?" he asked nonchalantly. He missed Kensi. She had become the center of his whole universe and, in spite of the fact that they kept their relationship at a professional level while they were at work, having her beside him calmed him and made him more comfortable. And God only knew how much he needed her right now. When he had the little panic attack and the consequent daydream nightmare, she was out with the ex-Seal following a lead on a case. Now, when he desperately wanted to talk to her, she was not here. He was a bit disappointed, but he understood. Work came before everything, this was what they established with Hetty before going back to active duty.

"Callen needed her expertise about weapons for a report he had to complete. I think they went to the armory," the big man answered without raising his eyes from the laptop.

Deeks debated whether to go straight to the armory or to stay here. Of course, his first instinct was to find Kensi, but maybe it was time that he started giving her some space. He was aware of how demanding he had been lately and mostly, how dedicated she had been to him. Maybe it was time to learn, again, to stand on his own legs, unsteadily probably, but step by step he knew he could do it. So sighing heavily, he sat at his desk, right next to the other man, and picked up the first folder on the pile on his right. He felt Sam's stare lingering on him, as the big man wanted to tell him something, but didn't find the courage or the opportunity to do it. A bit irritated, after several minutes in which the ex-Seal was still looking at him, the cop closed the folder with a loud snap and turned to face him. "Ok, enough. I got it! Callen told you about our conversation, so if you have something to say, say it, but don't feel forced. And mostly, don't do it because he said to do it… I don't like hypocrites!"

"Deeks, I…" the ex-Seal hesitated, not really knowing what he was going to say, but aware that he had to tell the other man something. "Oh hell, why do you always have to make things so complicated? Damn it, Deeks! Callen told me how you feel and God only knows how bad it made me feel! Because I… I trust you. You're part of this team for me, you earned it!"

The cop was startled by the honesty in the big man's words, not expecting to hear them at all. "Sam…"

"No, let me finish Deeks. For once, let me do the talking," Sam stopped him, preventing him from going on. "I know I'm not the easiest person in this whole world when it comes to judging people and trusting their abilities. I can't deny the fact that I didn't like you at first and that I doubted you. Maybe it's because you are different from me, because you're not anything that resembles military background… hell Deeks, you're a surfer. A shaggy haired surfer!"

"You're not helping your cause here…" Deeks murmured, clenching his jaw, tensing.

The ex-Seal ignored the younger man's comment and continued. "But day after day, I saw what was behind the appearances. I saw what was behind the cover. I might not like it sometimes. I might not understand it sometimes, but I respect it. I respect what you are Deeks, who you are. I trust you in the field, even if your style is different, even if you move differently from the way we all do, but this is your strength, your value. I think Hetty couldn't choose a more perfect man for this team, because you give us a different angle on things. You see things in a way none of us could see. You see details that we miss."

The cop, this time, was really speechless. His mouth moved but not a sound came out from it.

"But there's something that I truly respect in you, Deeks. You're a good person, no matter what life throws at you, you're still a man with a big heart. Just look at this whole damn story…" Sam paused, knowing that he might walk into a dangerous field. "No matter what that bastard did to you, you still have it, that frakkin' good heart of yours. This is something no one will ever be able to take away from you, simply because it's… you! It's who you are."

Deeks felt a big knot forming in his throat and he had to bite his lower lips to control himself and his nervousness. He never imagined he would hear those words coming from the older agent's mouth. It made him proud, but at the same time a bit angry. "But… if you, if you felt this way, why… why didn't you tell me? You were always so judgmental, so hard on me, always mocking me for everything I did or for what I didn't do…"

It was the ex-Seal's turn to be speechless. He locked his dark eyes on the other man's blue ones, as a sense of guilt pervaded him. He never understood entirely how much Deeks needed to feel accepted, to feel part of the team. But now he truly felt bad, because of this. "I know, I was… stupid. I should have told you or at least showed you that I appreciated what you were doing. I should have seen that you were good for the team… or at least, I should have realized it earlier than I did. You make Kensi happy; you make her a better person; you make her laugh and open up. Believe me, when I say that I thought I would never see the day in which she was so happy, but you managed to reach her like no one ever could. You broke the walls she built around her, day after day you crumbled them and I am very glad you did it. I never imagined I would say that, but she needed someone like you… we all needed someone like you." He paused, allowing the younger man to digest his words. "I said it once when you pretended to have been fired, but I'm repeating it again. You and I couldn't be more different, Deeks, but you made… you make this team better. For real."

The cop's eyes watered and he had to bow his head not to show his moment of weakness to the other man, but he had never thought that Sam had such a great consideration of him, especially after this whole experience. Especially since he didn't have a great esteem of himself after what O'Rourke had told him and had put him through. "I… I can only say thank you…".

The big man got up and without any warning put his hand behind Deeks' neck, in a fatherly gesture. "Don't forget who you are and all the good you have in you… it's a gift that only a few people have. Don't let anyone make you doubt yourself and take this away from you. Never. You got it?" he said lowering his voice, flashing a kind and gentle, dimpled smile.

"I… I will try…" the younger man whispered, biting his lip nervously. "I… will."

"Now, I think there's someone who's waiting impatiently for you in the armory…" the ex-Seal said nodding, without breaking contact with the other man.

"You were all behind this, weren't you?" Deeks shook his head, not sure whether to be grateful for the opportunity they gave him to vent his frustration or to be mad because they played him. "Ok, I… I better not let Kensi get mad at me…" he moved away, trying to leave, but Sam stopped him, still holding his neck.

"Hurt her and you're dead…" the big man told him, the smile still planted on his lips. Then, softening his tone he added, "Make her happy and keep her safe, that's all I ask you."

"And that's all I want to do," the cop reassured him, his voice steady. His expression determined as it had ever been.

"And that's all I want to hear," Sam let him go, nodding gratefully.

"Thank you again, Sam…" Deeks affirmed before turning on his heels and walking way.

He was already almost out of sight, when the ex-Seal called him back, "Deeks!"

"Yes…" the cop stopped, facing the other man, a bit unsure of what was going to happen.

"You deserve to be happy too…" without adding any other word, Sam sat at his desk and went back to his job.

Deeks stared at him, mouth wide open. He blinked several times as a deep sense of calmness and happiness engulfed him, almost overwhelming him. "Yeah... right." He murmured, before walking away.

* * *

Kensi had been hiding in the armory for the last hour and half and she couldn't deny the fact that she was getting restless. Callen had told her that she needed to give Sam and Deeks a little bit of time alone to sort things out on their own and so she did, but now, her level of nervousness was growing exponentially.

She was aware of how Deeks had always looked for Sam's approval. It was something that had started since day one. She could even understand this, because the ex-Seal was probably the opposite of him and the most demanding of all of them; gaining his trust and respect had meant a lot to the cop. It was like hiking the highest mountain; once you did it, the rest was easier.

The problem was that Deeks didn't see that Sam trusted him or considered him one of them, a member of their family. The cop had always lived a life counting only on himself, fighting the sense of uselessness his childhood and his father instilled in him. There was nothing more that he wanted besides being accepted, like feeling he belonged somewhere. O'Rourke had played with this aspect, mining even the few certainties that he had built up during the years. He destroyed them, piece by piece. Before all of this mess, the blond detective was a bit more objective and could see what was true or what was false. After that, even though he was still working hard with the therapist on this aspect, he found it hard to see things clearer. He still needed to be reassured about everything.

This was the only reason why Kensi had agreed with Callen and allowed her two teammates to have a private conversation with Deeks. She would do everything for him, because he was simply the most important person in her whole world. His happiness was hers and she knew it was exactly the same for him. It was like they lived in symbiosis and in a certain way, it was scary, because she had never been so dependent on anyone like she was on Deeks.

She closed her eyes, inhaling deeply, working on the same gun she had been cleaning for the past 45 minutes. Finally, she heard in the distance footsteps approaching, familiar footsteps. A minute later, Deeks appeared in front of her.

Kensi could see that he was exhausted. His eyes couldn't hide his tiredness and the tumult of emotions running inside of him. Her lips curved into a little smile, thinking how easily she could read him now, how much she knew him. She never imagined to be so close to anyone else as she was close to Deeks right now... and she wouldn't change it for anything in the whole world.

"Hey," she greeted him, fighting her first instinct to rush towards him, to engulf him in a hug.

"Hey," came his short reply as he moved towards her, his stare locked on her. He stopped right in front of her, studying every single line of her face, every little detail like he wanted to impress them in his mind for the rest of his life.

"So..." Kensi couldn't believe she was finding it hard to talk to him. In the past months they talked and talked, like they had never done before, telling each other all of those things that they had been keeping bottled inside for ages and that probably had stopped them making a move to get together sooner. They broke all the barriers, all the shields, by being simply honest and open. But right now, she felt a little sense of guilt, because she had lied to him. Ok, it was a little lie and just for a good cause, but she didn't like it.

"So..." he echoed.

She bowed her head, closing her eyes, disappointed with herself. "Deeks, please, don't make it harder than it already is. I know I... I lied to you. I was not out with Sam and I was not there with you when you needed me, but I... you needed that... You needed to talk to them, you needed to..." she was still talking when she felt Deeks' hands cup her face and his lips cover hers in the most passionate but gentle kiss he had ever given her. It was a simple gesture, but full of pure love.

"Thank you," he simply told her when they broke apart, literally out of breath. His voice had that little mellow inflection that she could barely resist.

A little, but sweet smile lightened Kensi's expression as she kept her mismatched eyes locked on his blue ones, seeing the gratitude in them, the respect, the simple joy of being here with the most important person in his life. "You're not mad at me, are you?" she purred, caressing his cheek and brushing away a tuft of hair from his forehead with an affectionate and tender movement. Sometimes she found it strange how intimate they were and how they showed each other this intimacy with little gestures that maybe meant nothing for the rest of the world but that were extremely important for them and for people like them, independent, proud, stubborn...

As an answer, Deeks planted a soft kiss on her forehead, flashing one of his infamous smiles.

An electrical discharge coursed through Kensi's whole body as his lips touched her skin. He always had this effect on her, even after all this time. "I like the way you can say hundreds of words without opening your mouth..."

"I want to open my mouth only to kiss you," he whispered, guiding her into his embrace, holding her tightly in his arms. "Thank you, Kensi. For real. I... really needed to know what... well, you know to..."

She interrupted him, understanding that it was still tough for him. "You needed someone to tell you that you're an idiot not to see how the guys see you. You needed someone to remind you that you're not alone and that you're part of the family."

"I thought that the only thing I needed was you..." Deeks' expression turned from serious to joking, his eyes sparkled as he smirked cunningly.

Kensi couldn't suppress a chuckle. "Yeah, that... among other things. You know, coffee, Monty, surfing... girls..."

"Girls? Really? Are you still up to that?" he broke the embrace, pretending to be mad at her, unable to go on doing it when he saw the smirk on her lips, the teasing light in her gaze. "Well, maybe I probably should start taking some liberties then, since you suggested it..." he didn't finish the sentence because she punched him in the shoulder. "Ouch!" he whined, rubbing the sore spot. "That's not fair!"

"No, it isn't, but just keep going and you'll truly realize what's not fair... the couch in my apartment can be very comfortable!" she threatened him, pointing her finger to his chest.

Deeks stiffened, his shoulder tensed when she touched one of the more evident scars on his torso, biting his lip, nervously. Sometimes it still happened and he hated it.

Kensi understood immediately what was going on inside his head, so she took his hand and guided it towards the scar she had on her arm, the one the fire left on her skin, the one that would take a little time to heal. "It's ok, Deeks... it's ok..."

The cop moved away from her, turning his back to her, passing his hand through his hair, something he always did when he was nervous or frustrated.

She approached him stubbornly, hugging him from behind. "Everything is ok." she murmured softly, sensing the tension leave his body.

Deeks sighed heavily, turning around, stroking gently her hair, staring straight into her eyes. "You know I love you..."

A warm feeling engulfed Kensi. She would never get used to hearing those simple words. They didn't say them often, but every time they did, they truly meant it. Every time they did it, they offered their heart to the other, completely and fully. "Yeah... and I love you too," her lips reached for his.

Once again, he engulfed her in his embrace allowing her to lose herself in his arms, feeling whole and happy. "Come on, Fern. I'm starving, let me take you to lunch."

Her smile widened and her whole expression brightened up. "I thought you would never ask..."

Deeks burst out laughing as he took her hand and guided her outside the armory. "Why am I not surprised?"

"Just wait 'till tonight and I will find a way to surprise you!" she teased him, lowering her voice in a seductive tone.

The cop gulped, swallowing hard. "Oh man, what time is it? Isn't it time to go home yet? Hetty? Hetty, please... can we leave a little earlier?" he asked to the air, pretending the diminutive woman was in sight and was listening to his plea.

"Shut up, Deeks and let's go!" Kensi took him by his sleeve and dragged him out of the armory. "You owe me lunch!"

* * *

Hetty was staring at the screen of her computer, sipping her tea. Smiling.

She had watched all the conversations that had taken place this morning and she couldn't be prouder of her team, of the people she managed to recruit and gather together. They went through hell, but they managed to come out of it, stronger than before. And after today she was sure that things were starting to go even better.

She was aware that the road to normality was still long and tortuous, but she was sure that now that they all knew what '_to trust a team-member_' really meant, things would be smoother. Now they were finally a real team. A real family... and as in all the families, there would be arguments and fights, but in the end, they would all sit at the same table, sharing the same food, feeling the same love.

She took another sip of her tea and turned her computer off. In the distance she could hear from the bullpen, Mr. Callen and Mr. Hanna quietly talking, Mr. Beale and Miss Jones' funny giggles, Mr. Deeks and Miss Blye's light banter.

"Hetty... Hetty... please, can we get a short day?" Deeks' voice reached her ears loud and clear, while Kensi punched him in the shoulder to make him stop yelling like a spoiled kid who was looking for his mum. "Oh come on, Fern... I'm doing this for you!"

"Deeks, you better shut up before she really hurts you!" Callen suggested, unable to hide a snort.

"Hey, where's the love? The male bonding?" the cop whined.

"Sorry, Deeks... but I prefer being on Kensi's team on this one!" Sam stated, his voice barely holding a laugh.

"Ok, ok... I got it..." Deeks said, faking his disappointment, but he had a big smile on his face, as he hadn't had in ages. "Hetty? Hetty, please? I need a little help in here!"

Away from her team's eyes, the Operations manager burst out laughing at the nice and finally domestic conversation. A family, that was what they were now. Yes, this was her family...

She opened one of drawers, took out a bottle of Scotch, poured herself a glass and after a silent toast with an invisible companion, she whispered, "About time..." as she drank it happily.

The end.

* * *

After re-reading this one-shot, I think I've been a little influenced by what happened during the season finale, especially between Sam and Deeks. I only hope it didn't sound like it came out of nowhere referred to One Hour. :)

Anyway, I'm done with this story. It's time to focus on the new one. See you all soon! (I hope at least... )

Nadia


End file.
